I’m hardly the first person to write on gratitude and no doubt others have said much of what I’ve noticed in my life, but a lesson I’ve learned deeply over the last decade is that a focus of gratitude matters.
While, of course, there are “Pollyanna” types among us who can find an extreme sense of gladness despite great trial, I don’t know that I want to find fault with that as long as you’re not forcing me to be happy I fell out of a tree! There are those who accuse you of “bright siding” if you utter a simple comment about gratefulness. I’m not sure either extreme is particularly helpful. While I hardly end every day bouncing around the house in joy and delight over the day I’ve had, I’ve found that being willing to focus on where there is light – even the tiniest flicker of it – helps me overcome the darkness.
Some days that darkness is the challenge of being a human living in these times. Some days it’s the unbearable griefs I face, reminding me they’re still there. Some days it’s trying to be a woman functioning in the world and daring to have a career without babies. Of course, some days it’s just a crappy day of emails complaining about receiving a 99/100 or dropping everything you touch or stubbing your toe in the same spot.
And yet, the way I’ve found my own path forward is finding the gratitude in spite of the struggle.
Some years ago I read a suggestion to jot down three things you are grateful for each night before going to bed. I’ve done that for probably about three years now and truly it has helped refocus my brain on the good and to find the tiniest flickers of light to fight for when the darkness threatens to overwhelm.
Obviously my nighttime journaling routine looks just like this… Photo by Claire Morgan on Pexels.com
There are days when the list is serious – like having access to health care for my husband’s recent health emergency. Or being so incredibly grateful to have been born to my momma in spite of the grief of losing her. Or remembering in this sweltering heat how grateful I am for AC and a bed to sleep in under a ceiling fan. And some days the best I can say is I really like my ritual of nightly popcorn and my headache stopped hurting as bad.
A lot of days are related to being thankful for dogs. And tacos.
The point is, on my worst days, I have so much to be thankful for in my life. So much I do not deserve but have access to because I was born to the parents I was and had privileged access to education others didn’t. I am grateful for a spouse I happened to meet a billion years ago and had the good sense to marry. But I don’t deserve the joy of partnership over anyone else. I am surrounded by the best quality friends you could imagine. Don’t we all deserve that happiness? I enjoy my work (even when students complain about that one point…). How many of us get to say that?
I could go on. And when I do remember these things – the silly and the not, the life-changing and the mundane, the out of the ordinary experiences and the chance to go to the store and afford the groceries we need – my life is better focused.
This focus has impacted each area of my life – I’m less frustrated with people who occasionally annoy me, because I frame relationships in gratitude. I’m less annoyed by the mundane aspects of life, because I have a fridge full of food to move around before I clean those shelves. I’m thankful for the chance to do my work well because I am grateful to love it the majority of the time.
Gratitude is hardly a cure all. There are days I forget my list and days I struggle to create one. In fact, in reflecting on it recently, I noticed a day or ten that said something like:
I didn’t give up.
Time for bed.
Dogs.
I’m not perfect at this by any stretch but I think the effort matters. Progress, not perfection.
