Flexible Routines
Some thoughts on routines, flexibility, and building a useful weekly framework
I am a nerd about morning routines. I don't think they should be super stringent (unless circumstances require it), but I think they're helpful tools to function as an adult with responsibilities. The word “seasons” is very overused when it comes to referring to one’s life, but the imagery is helpful here. There are seasons of life where a more focused routine matters more. There are also jobs where less flexibility exists, of course. And for those with children and a morning routine including daycare/school drop off, the day requires a different approach.
There were years where my own routine included getting up at 4:30 or 5 to fit in working out, breakfast, and dog care before working 7-4. Shifting my day like this allowed me to spend time later in the day with my mother, who was very sick at the time, and tended to have more energy in the early afternoon. This required me to go to bed early, get up and get moving, and power through in ways that aren’t necessarily natural for my body rhythm. And it was 100% the right choice for that time. The motivation behind it was time with my mom — and that helped me not hit snooze early in the morning in the way I might for just needing an early start. Nearly four years without her later, I am so grateful I changed my day and routines for her during that time.
Working on My Current Approach
For two years of that time, I have been back to a faculty schedule, which can flex and shift more readily. I am able to work on the things I need to with less rigidity and more focus on energy levels. Still, I like the idea of routines and try to keep a more flexible routine than I once I had while not letting routines keep getting away from me. Lately, I’ve been re-evaluating my approach and thinking about what is working well and what isn’t. For example, in recent months I’ve been lax about bed time and my body is retaliating. Turns out that middle age and staying up late to watch a show are not a great combo for me. So I’m back to trying to be in bed by 9:30, even if I don’t sleep right away.
With my current responsibilities, I’ve been forcing myself to work through a more flexible approach (not my natural instinct). Rather than having a daily routine that works for each weekday, I’ve been experimenting lately with a framework of things and reminders to schedule them. So while I have some nonnegotiable commitments each week, and I have blocks of available office hours, or an occasional faculty meeting, etc., the rest fits in around the non-negotiables. For example:
Late each week I look at the following week and determine which mornings work best for us to get to the gym - my husband confirms or not and I put it on the calendar.
My husband and I evaluate the weather to see which days might be most survivable for a bike ride (not super reliable choices between heat and rain in the GA summer but we are optimistic people).
We schedule the day(s) we will take the dogs to doggy daycare (never enough in their opinion).
We often talk about a vague meal plan and are working at doing better to get back to a real meal plan. Saves dollars, uses up food we already bought, etc.
I look at the non-negotiables for the week like work meetings, personal appointments, things we have bought tickets for, etc. and make sure I’m tracking on which days is what. Husband does the same and considers his own commitments.
Remembering Alllllll the Things
All things go on the calendar with a calendar invite to my husband (or his invite to me) so we both get reminders. We also send invites from personal accounts with vague things like “Bethany - meeting” so we know when the other is focusing on a non-flexible matter with work. This helps us in two really important ways. First, we both work from home in a small space, so avoiding critical meeting overlap where possible matters. Second, we are less likely to schedule something that requires the other if we have an idea of our schedules. I have a weekly reminder on my task list to make sure he knows my schedule for about three weeks out which helps me avoid forgetting to loop him in. (Quick aside: there are amazing options for shared digital calendars, but right now the free option of calendar invites works well enough for us.)
The other old school, cheap solution that’s been working for us is a dry erase board with the weekly greatest hits. It’s in a shared space and allows for a quick view of the big picture each week, especially if one of us is on the phone and trying to finalize a plan. Something about writing out the week’s plan also helps me remember it better in my brain (and honestly, I teach online so I never get to write on a board anymore, it’s kinda fun). I could be convinced to buy a paper calendar right now — it would not do me much good, but it is so fun to write in, put stickers on, etc. Sigh.
Earlier this year, I built out a weekly timeline in Excel to help me see the work blocks and life blocks that don’t shift. You could do this on paper as well. I find it a helpful visual of the week and a good tool for remembering what matters most. For example, every Monday I participate in my writing accountability group. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I have time blocked for office hours. And so forth.
Working from a weekly framework means the inflexible non-negotiables are clear. And then the flexible non-negotiables like the gym and doggy daycare can easily work around the rest of the week. Having a routine and a weekly framework helps me, but I think it also helps keep our family on track and less likely to forget key things. It also helps me know how much we can reasonably fit in for other stuff. Being overwhelmed by an overpacked schedule is a fast track to me feeling my worst, so I try to be careful about saying “let me check” to invites, as well. Most invites are delightful options, honestly, but too much to do in a week, even if all great, is still too much. While not every job or workplace would allow this option, I’ve also learned at this stage of life to push back if my work week is full and see what could be done the following week. No one has died from this approach and my university is still going…and I am my healthiest self when I am mindful of this approach in work and life!
Canine Routines
Truthfully, all the attention on routines is most appreciated by our oldest dog, Archer (3), a Jack Russell mix. Much like our previous Jack mix, he greatly values a routine and is happy to remind you that you are delaying his preferred timeline. His morning starts with going outside (delightfully in our new fence!). When we come back inside, it’s time for his dental chew. This must come before food, how dare you think he could eat first. After dental chews is food. And then back outside. And then please have “his quilt” ready on the couch for time to snuggle. He cannot understand why you would ever neatly fold it and put it on the back of the couch. Humans are ridiculous.
While his sister could care not possibly care less about your routine — she operates with a more “I love being alive! How great is this! energy — Archie will bark and cry at me if I miss a step, delay a step, or get things out of order. The rest of their days are pretty relaxed, so a little routine is probably good to start! They actually seem to know about the weekly plan more than we do sometimes. And, terrifyingly enough, they’ve learned that when Mom puts on “outside” shoes early in the morning we are probably going to daycare that day (cue: squealing and jumping). Or maybe they got calendar invites, too!
Some Other Useful Tools & Tips
Don’t trust your brain. Whatever your task, calendar, meeting management looks like, log it. For me this means jotting things down on paper sometimes and putting it in my phone later.
Automate what you can. For me, that’s Todoist reminding me of things based on the schedule I’ve given it. For example, I never worry that I will forget to enter attendance or give dogs heartworm meds, because I count on my phone to remind me. Software can bug out - it’s not perfect, but neither is my brain!
For groceries and a digital meal plan, I like Anylist
I really like Calendly for students to schedule office hours time, but I’ve been paying for it out of pocket to read multiple calendars. So I’m experimenting with MS Bookings this year and just doing a better job of blocking my work calendar. Don’t love it, but free is free.