On Disconnecting (Again)

My temporary experiment with the complicated world of social media comes to an end.

For the last 15 years or so I’d been largely disconnected from social media. I’ve kept a LinkedIn presence professionally. I have a Reddit account for getting the Internet’s best advice but have never posted there. I usually don’t even have it installed on my phone (save for the puppy-raising years!). But for the last two years or so, I had an Instagram account.

I have been on Instagram before and always gotten what can only be described for me as “the ick” about it. Some of that is the Meta of it all. When I gave up on Facebook 15ish years ago it was largely the “chain email forwarded from your most distant cousin” vibe that mostly did me in. Mostly it has just not contributed to me feeling like my best self. And that’s an important thing to notice!

Many people have written more intelligently about social media and its benefits and pitfalls than me, but I’ve surely leaned more heavily into the “I’m not sure this is good for us” camp than not. As a reader of Cal Newport, some of my reasoning aligns with his, though I’m not sure I feel quite as strongly as he does. I mostly approach “the socials” like I try to many things that are not essential, following the advice of the beloved Amy Poehler in her book, Yes, Please.

“Good for her! Not for me. That is the motto women should constantly repeat over and over again. Good for her! Not for me.”

Frankly, this seems like timeless, solid advice for us all. Of course, there are things that I think are vital to understanding life and faith and would argue with someone I was in relationship or community with. But whether or not you personally choose to be on Instagram, etc. is just not one of those things. Still, I think there’s some value in my observations the last couple weeks that might feel like a connection point for others, and so I’ll share a few thoughts on how I landed where I did.

What I Learned from My Experiment

I re-joined Instagram solely for the joys of connecting to other embroiders and needle artists. I didn’t even tell people in my real life I was there for a while! I was connected to very few people I knew in real life, other than some stitchy friends. A few family, close friends, and others I know for real were on my followers list (I hate that phrase). It never felt comfortable, although I’ve loved scrolling for the inspiration of others’ art and seeing up close photos of far flung friends’ handiwork.

But over the last year, “the ick” reappeared. I started questioning if I wanted to be there. The pitfalls were looming larger than the benefits. The memes were landing with less laughter and more feelings of doom and gloom for these modern times. Beyond the embroidery connections, the people I know in real life on social, are also…in my life. And so it started to feel unnecessary to keep scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. Except of course my brain was already trained to do it.

There’s nearly always a sense of “I’m stronger/smarter than the algorithm” or “it’s not my dopamine that scrolling impacts” in conversations justifying a choice to stay on social media. I’m a very disciplined person who has seen over the last couple of weeks just how many times I opened my phone to scroll after the app was gone. None of us are that much stronger or smarter than it in my experience. That’s not a judgment on those who stay, rather an acknowledgment of how even with a really good awareness of how it works, it can still “get you.” And for me, I’ve just had enough.

At any rate, after waffling back and forth a bit and experimenting with deleting the app but reinstalling periodically, I decided there was a reason - really reasons - that I felt icky. It’s not for me. But here are some things that have happened in the last week or two since I quit:

• My phone battery lasts a lot longer

• I have finished more embroidery work than believable (actually stitching vs. scrolling images of stitching is surprisingly effective)

• My commitment to reading the news in the morning and then disconnecting from it for the day is far easier to honor

• I am aware of the world’s challenges but feel slightly less mired in them (slightly…I’m only human!)

• I’m more present in conversations in the car instead of scrolling mindlessly while my husband drives (still enjoy being chauffeured to be clear!)

• I have texted with a stitchy friend and heard more about her day - and seen up close embroidery progress photos - without an extra app!

Are there things I miss? Sure! I like seeing my friends’ photos and thoughts. But to be fair they’re mostly buried by ye olde algorithim. There are a few accounts of dogs and people I don’t know in real life I enjoyed following. But…and I think this matters…none of them know I’m gone or know who I am to start with! (Frankly, I don’t think most people I know in real life have noticed!)

Last week, one friend asked me why I was bouncing and part of my explanation was I’d always been a little leery of it and I just felt like my experiment was done. For now, I’m staying on LinkedIn and I enjoy a perusal of cake fails on Reddit here and there. But the massive difference in my ability to feel light, hopeful, and fulfilled by my hobbies the last two weeks is not a tiny thing for me. It might just be the path forward in the latest round of unprecedented times.